After several years of marriage you decide that it is no longer necessary to continue being charming, exciting, entertaining, or maintain a level of humor and fun in your relationship. You feel unappreciated, frustrated, and angry. Your relationship begin to lose its flavor and turns sour. You and your spouse are bored with your relationship and start taking each other for granted.
Your marital relationship becomes just another routine of sharing a house for economic, social, and legal reasons. Like infidelity, money problems, lack of effective communication, and boredom in some relationships ranks high among the major conflicts leading to divorce. You stop trying to improve your relationship and believe that you married the wrong person. You wonder if you have fallen out of love and that illusive “one perfect person” is out there somewhere, who can make you feel whole and complete.
Such idealistic thinking can lead one to stray. Exploring to see if the grass is greener on the other side, just to discover that the grass on the order side also has to be mowed, watered, fertilized, and nurtured.
In most cases, unless you resolve the conflicts in your present relationship, you will repeat the same patterns. Especially, if the cause of your problem is due to unresolved conflicts stemming from childhood.
Three of the most effective ways to avoid taking your spouse for granted:
- Make your marriage a priority above your selfish needs.
- Relinquish your need for power and control in the marriage.
- Never let your marriage develop into an “I’m the boss,” soap opera type of relationship.
Ideally, it would be wise to treat your spouse as you desire to be treated. Too frequently, many of us take life for granted, rather than appreciate everything we do have, including the spouse you selected as your choice for a lifetime.
A marital relationship grows stronger when you treat one another special and in a way that reflects love, trust, respect, and devotion.
(This article includes revised excerpts from my book, An Attitude of Love: On Life and Relationships, Chapter IV, “14 Notes On Marriage,” pp. 114-117)
Tags: affection, commitment, love, marriage, sharing and caring
